


i once was lost, but now am found (and now, I see)

by Meatball42



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bechdel Test Pass, F/F, Memory Loss, Past Relationship(s), Road Trips, Rule 63, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-17 12:33:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20621087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meatball42/pseuds/Meatball42
Summary: Natasha went looking for the Winter Soldier. Finding her was easier than it should have been. Bringing her in... well.





	i once was lost, but now am found (and now, I see)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Violsva](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Violsva/gifts).

> Warning: Includes references to canon-typical non-consensual body modification.

Jane let Natasha find her apartment in Romania. She had a gun trained on Natasha the moment she came in.

“Who are you?”

“My name is Natasha Romanov. You called me Natalia.”

“I don’t know you.”

Natasha nodded and approached slowly. 

Jane’s aim didn’t waver. 

“We were close. That’s how I found you. I know how your mind works. Even when you don’t.”

Jane was wearing the thick Kevlar binder of the Winter Soldier.

Natasha shook her head. “I’m not going to hurt you. I swear on my life.”

Memory shimmered in those blue eyes, and Jane lowered her weapon.

“This is good,” Natasha said sincerely. She was paging through one of Jane’s journals while Jane watched, wary. “Your memories are coming back. That shows a lot of resilience.”

Jane hadn’t spoken in an hour. Natasha was an expert, but that wasn’t much to work with.

“Do you like Romania?”

Jane shrugged. Her eyes turned to the window and went far away.

Another hour went by. Natasha made them tea. After drinking a cup, Jane blinked back to the apartment.

“I don’t want to fight,” she said solemnly. “If I go with you…”

She didn’t finish.

Natasha sipped her tea.

They drove off in Natasha’s car. Jane kept her duffel bag between her knees. She watched the houses they drove past, then the trees, then the fields.

She looked like she was being driven to her execution. Natasha remembered what that was like.

“Steve has been trying to find you for a long time,” she told Jane. “If you don’t want to fight… no promises. But we can try.”

“I’m not who he remembers.” Jane’s delicate, brutal fingers clenched.

It started to rain. Natasha turned on the windshield wipers and kept her gaze on the road. “None of us are.”

“I remember you,” Jane said outside Timișoara.

Natasha hid her surprise. “You didn’t mention that.”

“I wasn’t sure. But I remember more now. We met when you were young. But then they froze me… you grew up.”

A long silence. Natasha thought Jane had drifted off again, until she said, “They cut you open. They took from you what they couldn’t take from me.”

Goosebumps spread up Natasha’s arms. 

“But it didn’t matter, about me. The only person I’ve wanted since they had me was you.”

Gripping the steering wheel hard, Natasha pulled over to the side of the road.

“What do you remember?”

“I saw you dancing,” Jane murmured. Her eyes were far off again. “Practicing with a knife. You saw me watching. Neither of us knew what to do. They only taught you about targets, and I didn’t remember anything.”

Natasha shut her eyes. She had to remain objective. She was delivering Jane to Steve, nothing more.

“I kissed you on a mission. You had just killed someone. His blood was on your hands. It was raining.”

“I kissed you,” Natasha corrected.

When she opened her eyes, Jane was smiling at her, crooked and kind. “Agree to disagree.”

“Where are we going?”

They’d just passed into Hungary. Natasha drank some water for her dry throat.

“Budapest.”

Jane nodded and watched the scenery go by.

Her passivity got under Natasha’s skin. “Why are you here? You could have gotten anywhere in the world. Going with me is a risk. You might get sucked back in again.”

Jane nodded again. She looked… zen, or something. Not happy, not at peace, but calm, ready, and not for fighting. For whatever came next. Natasha didn’t understand.

“Because you were the one looking for me.”

Natasha had to pull over the car again.

“I don’t want to drag you back in,” Natasha confessed. “They made us kill. But I chose to stay in the game. If you want to leave, you should. If I’d wanted to get out…”

She shook her head. Normally she didn’t dwell on personal what-ifs. She was undoubtedly compromised, and Jane’s steady gaze wasn’t helping at all.

“I could disappear,” she agreed. “But someone would always be looking. I’d never really be free. With you and Steve…” she shrugged a little, like ‘what can you do?’ “At least I’ll have two people. That’s more than I thought I’d get.”

Hours later, they made it to the rendezvous. Jane did a perimeter sweep of the old warehouse while Natasha pinged Steve.

“We’re here.”

“Did you have any trouble?” Steve asked breathlessly. “Is she alright? Are you alright?”

Jane walked her classic strut back to Natasha, her hips moving in that unmistakable swing that Natasha remembered from a dozen missions and a dozen wonderful nights after missions. She smirked, suddenly… hungry.

Jane leaned against the car, arms crossed over her chest. She inspected Natasha with sniper-sharp eyes. Slowly, an answering grin grew on her face.

“Yeah, Steve,” said Natasha. “We’re good.”


End file.
